I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
