No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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