I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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