her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
