And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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