Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
