Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
why do cheetos always look like penises
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
