NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
