God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
