im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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