I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
