You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I want her autograph on my taint
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
