he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am mentally ready for anal.
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