my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
