are you still at the devil's house?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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