these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
