if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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