my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
