ya dads aren't the best wingmen
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
