My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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