these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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