Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
