wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
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just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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