...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
