I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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