I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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