I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It was confusing and full of hummus
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
