I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
