There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
