If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
