And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
