If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
