How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
