I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I won the penis lottery.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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