Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
