I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
