I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
