...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
