He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
try to milk me bitch
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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