Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
