the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You are a genius and a whore.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
