Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
