I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
