Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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