I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
