Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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