There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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