wat bout pragnant strippers??
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
