You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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