My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
