I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
