He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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