I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
