"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
