This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
