You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
