My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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