We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
