no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My life is pants optional.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
