Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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