Whod you bang
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
