I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
