I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
