There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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