I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
