dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
